Katy Perry has a new song entitled “Unconditionally.” The song refers to the notion of romantic love being unconditional. Although this is a very appealing notion, I believe it to be more of a romantic wish than a reality. Many people have the expectation that they will find a partner that will love them unconditionally. It is an ideal that would be rarely realized. Healthy adult relationships are based on mutual honesty and trust. When trust is broken and a person feels disrespected by their partner love can be damaged or destroyed. People grow apart and love sometimes ends.
We are most likely to see unconditional love by a parent for their child. Parent/child bonds are very strong. When someone does not receive that kind of love and acceptance from their parent, they are likely to seek that in their romantic relationships. They expect to find someone that will love them unconditionally. This leads to approval seeking behaviors and unrealistic expectations of those they have relationships. With the expectation of unconditional love comes great risk. Self-worth and esteem are tied to the love or lack thereof from another. When someone expects unconditional love and that love ends it can result in feelings of not being good enough and shame.
Our value as a person does not come from how others feel about us. It is important to love ourselves unconditionally and embrace our humanity and flaws. Then we will not have unrealistic expectations about the love of others.
When it comes to mood or self-esteem issues there is one thing that is probably the best thing you can do for yourself.
BE KIND TO OTHERS!
Try it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. It will leave a positive footprint in the world and in your life.
This video will put things in perspective.
It is important to recognize that our emotional health affects our physical health. The converse is also true. Our physical health has an effect on our emotional health. It is equally important that we care for our body as well as improving our ability to cope with life’s issues. What we eat and the amount of activity we engage in can either improve or diminish our ability to manage our mood. Blood sugar levels can affect feelings of anxiety or depression.
A healthy diet and physical activity have a positive impact on brain chemistry. Here are some suggestions:
1. Engage in moderate physical activity daily.
2. Eat a healthy diet consisting of all the food groups.
3. Eliminated simple carbohydrates from your diet (sugar, white rice and potatoes). Complex carbohydrates will keep your blood sugar more stable. Blood sugar impacts mood.
4. Eat small meals throughout the day.
5. Drink a lot of water.
If you look better you will feel better. The healthier you are the better your mood as well as your self-esteem.
If you are currently experiencing difficulty or struggling in your life, there is something that you need to keep in the back of your mind. As difficult as things are, your life will continue to evolve and change and you will get past this.
I have found that growth takes place when you have to overcome adversity. We improve our ability to cope and to solve problems. It gives us a different perspective of life and shows us just how strong we are.
When I look back on the worst times in my life I recognize that these were the best times of my life. They created situations that gave me the opportunity to change and grow. Those times forced me to change the direction of my life. I was able to learn life lessons and become a better person.
I was watching an interview of the singer Pink on TV this past week. She has had a remarkable year with a lot of personal and professional success. That got me thinking about how we see others and compare ourselves and out lives to others. Making these kinds of comparisons is inherently emotionally unhealthy.
When we look at moments or a small portion of someone else’s life it is like looking at a snapshot. If things are going exceptional well for someone we tend think of them as having some kind of charmed life. If we step back and see their life as a whole what we are more likely to see are ups and downs and highs and lows. Nobody has a perfect life without some trials and tribulations.
Pink has had many problems in her personal and professional life that lead her to where she is today. All the experiences have made the woman she is today.
The same goes for us all. Life is a full length movie not a snapshot. Keep this in mind when viewing yourself and your life.
The most common question that is asked when something bad happens is: why did this happen to me or why would someone do that to me? We look for simple answers to questions that may have complicated or even non-existent answers. Many people think of divine intervention or punishment or even karma.
In some cases there are easy answers to these questions. Many times, as hard as we might try, we are unable to find answers when something happens. It is necessary at times to accept that there is no reasonable reason for a specific incident in our life. Life is easier if we can learn to accept that both positive and negative things happen in everyone’s life.
If there is a lesson to be learned, make every effort to learn that lesson and not repeat behaviors you can change. If you cannot identify a lesson or a reason, it is very important to accept your situation and move on.
It is possible that answers may reveal themselves at some time in the future.